Monday, May 04, 2009

Shot of the Day #124: Fade to Black

Shot with iphone. Click to enlarge.


Yes, Im fucking done with this mother-fucking project. It honestly feels like Ive been working on it for a year, a battle every day, but we finally printed to tape and it's off to the label and I can go turn the faucet on to wash my hands of the whole situation. I hear its going to be on Yahoo as a World Premiere on Thursday. Guess that's the new version of TRL in terms of hitting the biggest market. How times have changed.

But I realized that Ive actually been working on this video since Feburary, right before my Dad died. The band's managers gave me the heads up to start brainstorming ideas and once you put me to task like that, I put the horse blinders on for pretty much everything else. So having this as a distraction when Dad died i guess was the best band-aid for me to not really confront the situation, but now that it's done....

So I was FINALLY playing Guitar Hero: Metallica (which is pretty fuckin' METAL BTW) and when I selected "Fade to Black" and the first notes began to sound off...I found myself WEEPING as I pressed the various button configurations. Is this a first? Crying during Guitar Hero? At first I didn't know where it was coming from...a blocked tear duct? A latent Cliff Burton mourning? Then all these emotions began to flood in...all the things I guess I pressed deep into the recesses of my head and heart, now bubbling to the surface. I thought of my Dad during this song, his last moments, how he was so afraid...and then that fear lifted as he took his last breaths. "Fade to Black" never had any real resonance to me until now, as I was always a "One" guy after that AMAZING music video, but now...the song is like an anvil chained to my heart. As memories of my father floated through my head, I played the song with passion (as much as one can infuse passion while playing a fake instrument with a video game), almost as a tribute to the Old Man...I will not miss a note.

Im sure now that this video, the last thing I was part of before he passes away, is done, Ill be able to find some sense of closure with the whole situation. I still feel like I haven't really been able to give my due respects fully as of yet, but in playing out this Metalliballad, it was the cork I needed popping i guess.

Love you Dad.


Metallica - Fade to Black

Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this cant be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now hes gone

No one but me can save myself, but its too late
Now I cant think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye


Blogger Bryan Wolford said...

Sorry to hear about your heartbreak man. Hopefully you'll get some much needed emotional relief from dealing with it all. I'll be thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way.

10:38 AM  

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