Shot with iphone, click to enlarge.
Where to begin...
Well first, let me set up a bit; this household seems to have a constant YO GABBA GABBA
loop on the TV. Remy is entranced whenever DJ Lance and his crew of toy-based friends run amuck, learning and appreciating the basics tropes of life (eating, sharing, dress-up, friends) with their celeb friends (Jack Black, Elija Wood, Andy Samberg, Mya, et al) and bands (The Roots, Chromeo, MGMT, etc) all presented in a high-color palate that would make Argento wince at the brightness. It also has this retro, 8-bit atari graphics package that just oozes cool. I had heard about it, but the day we watched it (I believe it was a week after he was born) I was hooked. We all were, its just that addictive. The second Rem hears the theme song, his eyes are glued to the screen like Elmer's. Try an episode...first one's free folks.
CUT TO: One of our lawyers at G4, Scott Lowry, informed me that the YO GABBA GABBA LIVE!
show was coming to town, and one quick confirm call to Bri and I was on ticketmaster, snapping up seats. I had shows all month (Gwar, Dethklok/Mastadon, Black Dahlia Murder...) and the show I was most stoked to see was this fucking kids revue. Oooh...who was gonna be there?!!? Sure, Remy had clue one, but Bri and I were absolutely jazzed...this was gonna be fun.
FADE UP: However, to start the Saturday morning of the show, Remy was still recovering from "his furst widdle cowld" and of course every "widde" thing he's enduring we're enduring as well. Concerned parents are we, right? We debated all morning 'Should we go?' 'Is that the mature thing to do, fuck the tickets?'. After a consult with Bri's mom, we decided to go, especially since the insurance on the ticket (i bought prepared this time) demanded a doctor's note, so we asked ourselves, "Is this worth going to the doctors?" Nope, and off we went.
Of course, being us, we were running a little late, so there we were, stuck on the 10 trying to make it to the Shrine....during a USC Homecoming game (against Stanford). Now, I give 3 shits about football, especially college, ESPECIALLY USC (who wait-listed me for film school...strike one), but all this traffic with people dressed in that ugly brown and yellow combo, was really making me hate all three categories with a passion. I get the fanaticism, but today, it was a little re-dick-a-lous. Douchie guys, half drunk, standing in the lane we're trying to use to turn, just standing there whooping for their team, or whore-y co-eds in their home-made Trojan shirts, a few hours from a gang bang, clogging the sidewalks. As the traffic crawled from block to block, my rage was rising, but I thought "DJ Lance will make it all better" and pressed on.
When we finally made it to The Shrine, we were informed that there would be some event parking, but being that it's 11:01am and the show just started, I told Bri to take Remy in and Ill have to drive around to look for parking. At least they'd get to see the opening. So they left...and I drove up and down every block, searching for any parking that wasn't 60 dollars, weaving and ducking asshead fans going to the tailgating parties. Every block I turned down was another failed attempt, and I was only getting angrier. Inside, Bri was texting "Holy shit, this place is nuts!" or "OMG, Weird Al is here!", inadvertently pouring salt in the wound. This was Remy's first official concert...and I was missing it. DAMN-IT. I drove almost 2 miles away just to look for a spot at this point since everywhere in the vicinity was taken (the event parking was full and I was denied twice), and this is where our SOTD was taken at the peak of my rage, the sinking feeling that....I wasn't gonna make this show. Even here, the parking was 30 bucks and Im sorry, but I'm not gonna pay 30 dollars for shit parking that I have to walk/run 10 minutes away to the venue. So I gave up, telling Bri Ill just be the parent driving around till the kids are done, feeling like Francis McDormand in ALMOST FAMOUS. I think I even whistled her tune from the movie to myself once, just to get a giggle out and diffuse the situation in the car...it was pretty tense even if it was just me. I cursed the UFC team and their cunty fans and wished them a horrible, losing game for making me miss the show. Fuck UFC, fuck parking, FUCK EVERYTHING. *whistle*
As it neared the hour 1/2 mark, I thought the show might be ending but from Bri's text, they had only gone to intermission, plus....Remy's been nodding off the whole time so even he's missing it. At least Bri was appreciating the awesomeness of what sounded like an explosion of fun inside. But as I turn down the street The Shrine was on, a parking spot....magically appeared! I swoop in....only to be cock-blocked by some old woman in an SUV who clearly took the spot from someone who was already positioning themselves to take it by backing up. This, my friends, was the final straw. I backed up and rolled my window down (where I noticed she's wearing a UFC sweater):
ME: "Are you fucking kidding me lady??"
ME: "I was backing into this spot, you saw me!!!"
HER: "I had turned around to get this spot!"
ME: "IS YOUR FUCKING NAME ON IT, YOU CUNT!?!"
HER: "What did you-
ME: "YOU HEARD ME, YOU CUNT. YOU'RE A BAD PERSON AND I HOPE YOU DIE DURING THE GAME WHEN YOUR FUCKING TEAM LOSES!! FUCK. YOU!!!!!"
Yeah....I had a lot of pent-up anger and thankfully, that lady let me blow the steam out of the pot a little. Oh, but I wasn't done....I rolled around the corner and saw her again and while driving by, her with her UFC seat floatie, I rolled down the window again as I passed:"UFC FUCKING SUCKS YOUR COCK!!!"
There, NOW Im done. Shot with iphone, click to enlarge.
So Bri and Remy came out smiling about 20 minutes later, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't pretty dismayed that I missed the show on so many levels. But...they did get me a shirt. So I guess I can move on. They seemed to have a good time and that's all that matters though.
By the way, my curse on USC seemed to work. The end score was 55-21 Stanford, and I was told that was the biggest loss on USC soil in the history of the school. Well, don't fuck with a man, his family and their YO GABBA GABBA. You've been warned.