Sunday, March 23, 2008


...thanks everyone who wrote me this morning, very cool and I really appreciate it. God bless (or damn?) birthday engines on social networking sites huh?

Wasn't there some holiday also today? Thought I hit a huge rabbit like thing late last night on the way home from sorry in advance. Fucker was in the middle of the road, what else was i to do?

Staying Scary,

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

God bless Takashi Miike...

Monday, March 17, 2008

Weekend movie bonanza...and Frak me I'm Irish.

Hey all,

Wow, look at me being a good Irishman...didn't even know it was national "Free to get Pissed" day. Dammit! What a fookin' arse.

Well not to totally plagorize (sorry Drew) but this clip I saw on AICN has always been engrained in my head every St. Paddy's Day since I saw it in 1990 and was blown the fuck away. O The Coens...How I loves ya.

So this weekend...holy shit we watched some flicks. Got a lot done around the new apt, which is great to finally see the boxes start to dwindle away, but we have priorites, gosh darn it.

FUNNY GAMES: I was dying to see this flick since it was announced, and the curious marketing only whet me whistle some more (jesus, am I atoning for my sins by trying to sound more irish? Bollocks) of which you can check out at the funny games site where "Peter" & "Paul" send you a little love note...

Luke, Gena and i trekked over to the Arclight to see the flick, the theater only 1/3rd full. Not shocking one bit.

Not even 10 minutes into the film (must have been :30 seconds past the time that the ushers-who are nothing like the cordial, accomidating staffers at the Hollywood Arclight-have left the room) there is a fight breaking out between people who dont know what "no talking" means, especially in a film that has long spurts of silence (to counter-balance the John Zorn metal screaming that punctuates moments and freeze frame, the same exact song from the original), so to me it's the perfect place to see such a confrontational flick like FUNNY GAMES. I loved the original, and actually thought that this US version, while somewhat pointless to make, actually works it's message better in certain ways with hollywood faces, but loses the impact of non-celebs playing the victims and tormentors because the original felt more real, raw, like a true fly on the wall. I wont go into the plot or the points, but Michael Haneke is someone I really admire as a filmmaker, and the balls to make a practical shot for shot remake (seriously, the music, the font, the house set, hell even the programming on the TV is exactly alike), it felt like a travelling theater troupe translating their euro-play for Off-Broadway. The ideas were there, even moreso than before, but the players were new, ready for action. I really dug it, and yes there were a few walkouts (I think Haneke would be pissed if there wasn't) and I'm glad I got to see and hear the reactions from the audience over the many crazed moments of cinematic meta-mayhem. The movie is meant to evoke a reaction, and glad i got to go along for the fucked up ride and feel like a dirty, dirty movie lover in the process.

I think it's apt to quote the great Ebert: "...if you liked those pictures from Abu Ghraib, you'll love "Funny Games"!

DOOMSDAY #3: This was actually Bri's doing, confirming that i have truly unleashed the inner geek in the girl. Not that there is anything wrong with that. But we felt like we enjoyed D-DAY so much at the Thursday screening, and the film needed all the help it could get (even though it opened at #7 at the B.O. by the time we went), so we headed over to the OTHER Arclight to check it out. Yes, we are spoiled by the Arclight. Funny how "night and day" the two Arclights are...I guess you can try to take the Ghetto out of the place (Sherman Oaks Galleria) but you can't drive the assholes away from going (and working) there. Oh well.

Seeing DOOMSDAY again only confirmed my geek love for the flick, how unapolagetic it is in it's cribbing John Carpenter's style (who, as Neil would profess too, is a hero of mine as well) down to the font and the music. Jesus, composer Tyler Bates better get some radically different gigs coming up since between HALLOWEEN and this, he's becoming the Depalma of Movie Composers, known to just copy a previous master in Carpenter's previous work. Not to say it's a bad score at all, DOOMSDAY I mean, but the signifigance is funny enough to note. God knows Tyler knows...

But watching the film again, I saw so much I missed last time (never saw the severed head blink..or the baseball Furie in the crowd!! Awesome!) and in the half packed theater (for a Sunday, not bad actually) I got to smile and enjoy the crowd laugh, scream and go "Oh shit!" multiple times. I love that. I love seeing a reactionary crowd, which only confirms why the theatrical experience will hopefully never die. DOOMSDAY was made for that, for the fans BY a fan, and hopefully people will get to see it through positive word of mouth (fuck critics...they're pissed that they actually had to PAY to see it since there were no press screenings...why Universal, WHY!?!?). At the very least, the theatrical experience will get buzz going for the DVD, and then the sucker will sell like Johnny Cakes on Sunday.

On Saturday Bri and I protested in front of Posh Puppy, a Bev Hills pet store that sells pups from mills, which is clearly the WRONG thing to do. Assheads. We had a good time standing in front of the place, booing the few ignorant people who walked in, only to find out that there weren't any dogs for sale because of the people who dedicate their time to inform the masses to NOT buy a dog but to adopt.

Oh and I got a ticket on Saturday, which Im gonna fight; seems that the fucktard gave me a ticket 7 minutes BEFORE my time is up. Fuck a duck...and its time to fuck the man.

Well back to the grind.

Erin go Blargh!

Staying Irish,



...if I ever come within 50 yards of David Motari, let me say now...I will throw this fucking fuck off a cliff. I'm dead serious. Fuck you, you horrible idiot. I wont post the video that sparked this seething hatred for Motari, my apologies, but click his name to at least get an idea of what a dripping cuntlick this guy is...a shame that this is the image that the world sees of our troops.

Please send all hate mail and death threats to:

David "Dicksnot" Motari
24419 Florence Acres Rd
Monroe, WA 98272-9662
Phone: (360) 794-7191

Friday, March 14, 2008 an Angel's Vagina...and DOOMSDAY

Hey all,

Was a pretty good week. Loving my iphone. It's actually made my life a LITTLE easier...hey, can't find that address for that place? Boom boom number, map, hell the thing practically ordered FOR me. God bless Big Brot-er, Apple.

We're slowly acclimating to the new digs, and really enjoying the change of pace. So nice to have a bit of the ocean breeze through our hair, not hot porn-tainted Valley air cooking our brains. Banz seems to like the hood, there's a great park around the corner for her to run in, and overall the place has a positive vibe to it.

Saw Bear's brother Brendan play out at Hotel Cafe...what a great frakkin' show. Brendan has one hell of a stage presence, which i got a taste of at the Boingo Halloween shows (he does vocals and actually makes the show his own while respecting The Elfman...tricky stuff!) but this live show, accompanied by OB hero Steve Bartek, kicks major amounts of ass and had me humming the whole way home. If you get a chance, you gotta see Brendan kick out the jammies. Check out his myspace HERE.

Got an email from one of my cinematic heroes telling me how much he enjoyed WRONG TURN 2.
Holy shit, I'm still shaking.
I never thought in a zillion years that I would have the honor and privledge to comiserate with people I've admired as long as I can remember, let alone have them compliment my work! I know it might not seem like a big deal, but that one email totally revitalized my drive...sometimes a "good job, asshole" from someone you respect is all it takes.

As you can see from the top pic...I'm currently rockin the 'Burt Reynolds" a bit after cultivating quite a beard since before the move. I dunno why, but a moustache just brings out so many different reactions in people. Some people vocally endorse it, some giggle when i exit the elevator...and i can't tell you how many times people at the screening we went to last night said "Hey Lynch, just stepped off the porn set?" I dunno...I just dig it, man. Wonder how long I'll keep it...time (and behind-the-back snickers) will tell...

Saw REC this week. Now, I'm already getting burned out on "found footage" flicks, but kept hearing how tense and gripping this Spanish import was (which is ALREADY being remade...from the director of THE POOKIPSEE, how's that for inbreeding?) so watching it from my laptop, I was still shocked to see how effective it was. Maybe it was due to our constant and recent ability to see video on the web, including news, and believe it like we do on TV. But the presentation is so simple and well executed, you do forget that it's scripted at all, even though the plot is much less complex than say CLOVERFIELD, DIARY OF THE DEAD or PARANORMAL ACTIVITY. It's as if it was one tape, one swatch of time captured in this apartment complex as a viral outbreak takes hold, unleashing Danny Boyle-esque flesh munchers (i.e.-fast moving fuckers) and we're just rolling through the footage, similar to the second half of CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST. It's one of the more memorable "FF" efforts out there, and hopefully doesn't get lost in the pile. Check it out when it gets distro soon...god help the remake though.

Got the new issue of SPOOKS...fuck its good. So awesome that it's selling out all over, and for good reason...the art is great and the writing tight and fun, like a drunk virgin at the Sophmore prom. Shit, did I just write that? Nah....

...see those two guys above? BEST CREPES IN LA, more specifically, best "ham egg and cheese crepe" that i discovered at the Santa Monica Farmer's market this past week. Frikkin' french huh? Good taste in movies, excellent Crepe skillz...

Speaking of consumption; Today...Had some of the best sushi I've had in a LONG time...almost as good as the infamous "sushi breakfast" I had in Tokyo back on 05. The place my buddy and I went to was called Kiriko, right off of olympic and a dwarf's throw from our new place, so it was great to discover where I'll be plunking my hard earned cash for tiny pieces of raw fish, happily of course. My friend is a regular there and just said to the chef (in Japanese...cause he's cool like dat) "Serve us lunch...your choice!" and the hits just kept on coming. The fish was SO good i said after a particular bit into smoked salmon sashimi, "This tastes like an Angel's vagina!" to which the patrons next to us promptly moved. was that heavenly. If you are on the west side and yearning to eat out an one of God's warriors, head over to Kiriko.

Finally....ok, this might sound a little soapbox-y, but hear me out....

Do you like movies?
(beat) Good...glad you do too. you like to have FUN at the movies? You know, like the good ole days when things were just released with little to no hype and we discovered them, instead of being bashed over the brains with false hype and marketing-driven "buzz"?
(longer beat) Cool, we park our cars in the same garage, it seems.

Well then....get your ass to the nearest movie theater this weekend, and see Neil Marshall's DOOMSDAY. Seriously, I haven't had this much fun in a movie in so long...that feeling that I remember that is so infrequent these days that was usually a staple of the summer when you exit out of the AC-blasted theater into the sun-baked reality. THis was seriously like watching the best summer movie released in 1983 that you missed and someone, say a good friend or older sibling said "Holy fuck, you never saw (insert hidden gem here)???" and then upon watching it you declare yourself an idiot for missing the awesomeness in the first place. That's DOOMSDAY. Marshall created the best love letter for the 80's action spectacle one could ask for, and while he wears his influences on his bloodied sleeve proudly (with character names like "Miller" & "Carpenter", I mean, come ON), the film still feels fresh and fun and had Bri and I smiling like kids the whole film. It's pure adrenalized entertainment, the kind we BEG for when we hear about remakes of ROBOCOP or ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK and groan...and it was even better the second time I saw it. I got the honor to see it months ago at a test screening, and it was good....but this final version of DOOMSDAY it pitch fucking perfect. The story, the acting, the sets, the look, hell the music, all smacks retro, but why do we rewatch movies like that? To capture those smiles again...and this fucker is FULL of smile, gag, laugh and scream-inducing moments...oh, did I mention its bloody violent as fuck?

DOOMSDAY is the type of movie you will be bragging to your kids 20 years from now when they are all DDAY worshipers, wearing the shirts and endlessly quoting it, proving to them how cool their old man or woman is for seeing that killer flick in the theater. So at the very least...see it to impress your kids!

So please, do the genre fan world a favor and instead of supporting one of the other films out this weekend (believe me, HORTON HEARS A WHO ain't going nowhere) that the paying audience out there WANTS to see original films, as "homage-inized" as they are, instead of the latest remake that we all go sin-see anyway. By seeing DOOMSDAY, you not only support the scene in apositive get to see one ass-stomping movie that I garuntee will make you want a sequel asap.

Congrats fucking did it man.

Here is the trailer...and below that a piece on Neil and the film at G4...if that don't convince you...well go enjoy PROM NIGHT and fuck the fuck off.

Have a good weekend!

Staying Scary,

Friday, March 07, 2008

F*CK FEBURARY...moving on.

Hey all,

How bout this...can we just say this past Feburary never happened? Just write it off, sweep it under the rug, what have you. I'm sorry I didn't write more, recounting the trials and tribulations of the last month, but from the New York tip to a few days ago, my life was pretty FUBAR. Hey, whatever doesn't kill you, right?

But I'm back now, recovering from the maelstrom of moving and other shenannigans and ready to kick ass again. Been too long, folks.

So I'll be back soon and more often, now that I can shake the stink of Feburary off of me, unpack my bag of dicks and get going again. Hey maybe I can now get back to the Top 10 of that the fucking Oscars are long past done and The Coens came out as the Cream of the Cinematic Crop (Congrats, boys, well deserved! Now don't make another INTOLLERABLE CRUELTY again...please?)

File under "A few cool things":

-Got to make a dream come true and have a sit down with George A(wesome) Romero and Greg "Fucking" Nicotero for a pilot that did, and it was a real blast. Watch Green and I TRY to contain ourselves while talking shop with the masters of the Undead HERE. Thanks to Rotten, Parker and everyone involved for giving me the opportunity to geek ou-er...commiserate with fellow colleagues in the horror community that I admire greatly. Yeah, that sounds much nicer.

-FINALLY got an iphone, which I've been wanting for years. Wow, my contacts actually sync up to my computer? I can actually get my mac email on my phone without having to restart the phone every time i check it? HOLY SCHNIKIES. Im very happy right now with the device, even though I've just stuffed my pocket with ANOTHER fucking gadget. My balls must be radioactive by now.

-Won "Best Kill" at the ANTI-ACADEMY AWARDS, which I'm honored, even though personally I felt that the "Axe Wound" kill in the beginning was better. Hell, at least I beat HATCHET...check out the video below and check out the entire awards show HERE (Great Job Dan!)

-Got to say "No comment" for the first time when a project I MIGHT be doing got leaked. Felt odd not to be able to talk about it, but kinda cool at the same time. TMZ, here i come! I wish I could say more on the topic but I'll have to simply say...well, you know.

-WT2 in the news: First "Aussiegate" (which you can read below) and then they name dropped WT2 in an article on how a casting director for the film SHELTER posted a local casting call in W. Virginia look for "inbred" types, and after a public outcry from the W.VA officials, claiming films like WRONG TURN 2 are perpetuating a false stereotype, and the casting director was prompty fired. Sad, but I guess I can say I too am guilty by association on the charges of promoting "Incesticide"...but to this I say..."Sorry West Virginia!" (Please dont eat me). You can read the story HERE.

-Saw IN BRUGES. Fucking tits. Huge ones. See it now.

-Pulled a "Matrix" and dodged a major bullet by walking away from a particular project when it was going in a completely different direction than what i was told at retrospect, I feel really happy about the decision and got to make a stronger relationship with the studio involved, but damn would it have been fucking cool. Oh well, politics takes creativity many times in this biz, you just gotta roll with the punches I guess. But seriously....woooosh!

File under "NOT COOL at all" category:

-Moving: It frakkin' sucks ass.
Big juicy apple bottom ass, the kind you see in full bloom on FLAVOR OF LOVE 1-3.
I swear we should have just called 'Murphy's Law Movers" because at least then we would have been more prepared for the nightmare that ensued, one that would even make Wes Craven shudder. I will spare you the gory details, but its over...for now, and we (quite literally) barely survived.

Well enough about the past...onward to March...and getting older. Fuck, this used to be a GOOD month, now I dread putting another notch on my mortal coil. Dammit. Then again, my birthday this year falls on a holy day, so maybe I'll be blessed or something pious like that. Amen.

Staying Scary,

PS: Enjoy....

Two Redneck Women Fight in the Middle of Nowhere
It's a good thing their cousins from <i>Wrong Turn 2</i> weren't around or this could've been a lot worse. (<b>NOTE:</b>we changed servers today, so things could be a little buggy for a day or two. please email me if thumbnails/videos are not working for you)
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